I started the writings over a half a year ago. It's so part this was a venting device. A medium for my stress. It easily feel that purpose. Some people have these things to express themselves in front of audience. Although I am aware I have no audience, but that does not matter. I needed no audience. That is not the purpose of this. This was started by me, for me, and that no one else. Through these words I have survived my junior year at graduation test, the Scholastic aptitude test, a standardized writing test. I sell the unrelenting expectations of teachers and students. I have written papers and taken tests. I have excelled, I passed, and I failed. I have relaxed and I have worked. I have worked toward a goal that is closing in upon me that I am not ready for. Sadly, I have no say in the manner. Time moves in one direction and cannot be slowed, sped, or stopped by anyone.I must face college, responsibility, fear, challenge, and all the forces live shell to let me against my will. But along the way, I am sure and that was had his rewards woven into my path that must simply come across when the time is right. Before I start this "life" I have come to the conclusion that I must drop many things. Among them are cartoons, video games, unrequited reading, and many in activities including chat rooms. Many people view my outlook as unrealistically presented. Others simply marked me a pessimist-seeing everything in the negative. I will not say that I'm not predisposed to seeing "negative aspects" first, but that is what reflection is for. To look back on past events and reassess them using all your knowledge you acquire.

Time also battling fear and anxiety like any other normal person entering the work force or entering college. Playing separated from the mother and father. Being responsible for yourself in all aspects of life. Parents are no longer you are foundation. At most they are reference. You are responsible for you, therefore, when you fail you have no one to blame but yourself. God speed to me as I do this world as they independent individual. If anyone is out there, pray for me. One last note, if anyone does read this, you should know, this will be my last post. I imagine that the side will eventually be deleted by the Company due to its ill use. So I just say this to you, my unexpected audience "I wish you luck in all that you do now and in the future" (And for the last time I say: please forgive any grammatical error, for, they are by no means a reflection of my intelligence.)

Unbeknownst To You

Fragments from my memory of 2001, signing a 2005 banner which I am told is going to hang over the stage for our final walks as high school students. I am a freshman; I have left middle school. The pieces and fragments of my childhood behind me, I walk in the front doors and realize a whole other plane. I had been terrified with preconceived notions, mostly fostered by my older brother and repealed by my sister. Aside from being terribly horrified I was very confused by the hurdle they called the first day of high school. The last thing I wanted to do was fall mid-jump. A weekend to my adaptation I managed to find my classes and some faces from my past. It is to these things that I hold on to in order to survive the first four weeks in this new world. Yet I wait for something, for what, I did not know. Then it slowly starts to come into view the students here. Their perceptions are at fault. I believe they see "a disabled person instead of Nathan Lee." Hoping I am wrong I decide to wait and see. Desperately trying to prove my worth I stride hard in the classroom. Alas, I am not the brightest of them all. This revelation did not come as a complete shock. My mother has always raised me to believe in the philosophy that there is always someone better you. Therefore I am not an athletic star, or the Star Student, yet I am not quite normal. Why?
Premature birth is a condition no parent wants for their child, but in my mother's case, it was two for three. Both my sister and I were lucky enough to be born early, therefore causing a condition referred to as Cerebral Palsy (C. P.). More specifically, Spastic Cerebral Palsy. My sister has her own story, this is mine. Do not fear I will not bore you with the rendition of modern medicine. Neither will I pretend that I understand every aspect of the condition that I live with on a daily basis. The truth of the matter is I had not come to a further understanding of my own situation until 11th grade. I made this frightening discovery in the midst of constructing a speech for Ms. Daniels, our wonderful drama teacher. For the longest time before I had the understanding of C.P., I believed in my disarrayed mind that I was simply as my mother said, "weak". Well, I am no therapist or doctor, but I have to disagree. Cerebral Palsy affects movement control and muscle protein synthesis or the ability of your body to build muscles.
Society, social structure and infrastructure. The wonderful social world of Southeast Whitfield High School. First off, I would like to state that I do not blame my qualities and character quirks solely on my circumstances. I am a maverick in every since of the word. I like science and I am acquainted with math, and computers, which will heavily influence my life or career. Let me take a moment to make a direct distinction, I am a geek, not a nerd! While attending this school I have fought against many things. Crowds, tests, and individuals preconceived notions I like to call stereotypical behavior. When I first arrived here I was heavily classified as someone with low cognitive abilities, or one someone who did not take the standard track curriculum and certainly did not strive to take any advanced curriculum.
Something I like to subscribe to is what I call "Life Lessons". I am going to throw one out for you. "Life Lesson" numero uno. Every choice counts. It makes a niche in your highway of life. Let me explain. Set your imagination for approximately 1991. Two years before the big snow! I am entering primary school, kindergarten for the uninitiated. First day of school my mother is led into a room, white, quite empty, except for, a couple of chairs, a teacher's desk, and adapted equipment. Although warmly greeted, my mother begins to comprehend what is occurring. They were prepared to induct me into the classroom for students with special needs. My mother is not ordinarily a confrontational person; she is a self proclaimed peace maker. Her assertiveness is quite lacking. However, on this occasion that was about to change. I do not have many of the details because I was only told of the story once, but I believe it safe to assume that my mother kindly requested transfer. This marked one of my "Life Lessons," although on this occasion my mother made it for me.
One thing I must establish is that special education must not be looked on as a classification, although, it is classifying. Probably not in the way you are thinking. They do have different exceptionalities such as; my primary exceptionality is OI or Orthopedically Impaired. Some of the other exceptionalities are SI, for speech impaired and MOID for Moderately Intellectually Disabled. These are just a few. Although they are categorized in the school system you by no means should stereotype the individuals. That would be an example of a shallow frame of mind. Each person is just that, a single being that has his or her own characteristics and personality. A lasting impression I would like to leave on this topic is this: Treat every person that you meet or see with no less respect or recognition of identity. The special education department is composed of people, not groups, and should be treated as such. Here is a courteous idea: The next time you see or wish to speak to someone who is different than you, assess yourself and your current frame of mind before you stereotype them, please. Only after considering their point of view should you continue.
When one looks into the future one is never sure of what they might see. Good things, bad things, mediocre things. Here is a tip; usually these things are interwoven much like a fabric into the daily nuances so like many great people before me have said, "Expect the unexpected". I have attended this school for roughly 3 years. I have endured freshman anxiety, sophomore obscurity, junior stress, and now I have arrived a little battered but not beaten to an anxious but nervous senior. Let me elaborate. I am anxious to start my journey of life, also known as college and life after college. Taking the good with the bad. The good being independence, the bad being taxes. Nerves at times can make you very fearful of what has not occurred but is inevitable. You can not stop the life cycle. So, you have two choices: one, you can take the cowards approach and try to hide from life's experiences or two, you can embrace your future. As for me, I plan to study the digital arts, more particularly animation. I'm excited to get started with my classes but nervous about being able to exist solely on my own resources both physically and financially. Such as life, when I am stressed I reminisce back to the eighth grade and borrow words from my science teacher, "A thousand years from now none of this will ever matter, but right now………" For those of you keeping track, right now is here. So right now I am preparing for college and trying desperately to prepare for life's little bumps.
"Take this and do with it what you will. Some of it may reside in someone's mind and others might mentally cast it away but no matter what you may think I now with all of the pride I can muster consider myself a moderate crafter of words."

08-20-04
Nathan Lee Keener
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